How to Play the SECRETS Game
A Step-by-Step Guide
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Now, let’s learn how to play a game of…
SECRETS ORIGIN STORY
After a dinner party in 2016, my friend Matthew and I gathered everyone in his living room.
Our friend groups were merging for the first time and we wanted everyone to get to know each other.
We made up a simple get-to-know-you guessing game on the spot.
We called it SECRETS.
Luckily, everyone was open to the low-stakes social risk of revealing a possibly embarassing detail from their past.
Shocking and hilarious stories were revealed, and everyone legitimately had fun.
Over the next few years, I introduced the game to new friend groups at various gatherings and house parties.
I clarified the rules.
I added French catchphrases.
After years of focus grouping it at house parties, I’ve put together this step-by-step guide so you and your friends can learn how to play the game of….
PLAYERS:
6 to 10
From my experience, a 6-person game lasts about 60 minutes, and a 10-person game lasts about 90 minutes.
MATERIALS:
Blank note cards or strips of paper, one per player per game.
A pen for each player.
A bowl to collect the secrets.
A small candle (optional)
NOTE: The pens must be the same color ink, and the paper must be a uniform size. Observant players may notice differences that help them win.
LOCATION LOGISTICS:
Arrange the group to maximize visibility of all players and ensure everyone can see each other's faces.
Place the candle in the middle of the group, or play the game near a bonfire.
IF THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU ARE PLAYING A GAME OF SECRETS, PLEASE READ INSTRUCTIONS TO THE GROUP SO EVERYONE IS ON THE SAME PAGE.
First: Think of a Secret
It must be your secret.
It doesn’t have to be shameful, dirty, sensational or embarrassing, but the game will be way more fun if it is.
Fun Fact: A secret is more than just a Fun Fact about you.
What is a Secret, really?
A secret is just something that the people in the room don’t know about you… yet.
A secret can be about something that happened years ago or yesterday.
A secret can be something that at one point you might have been embarassed about or tried to keep hidden - for whatever reason. But now that you’re older, wiser, cooler… it’s something you’re comfortable revealing to friends and acquaintances. In fact, it might be hilarious.
Write a secret that you’re comfortable with revealing.
If you’re not comfortable revealing personal information about yourself… maybe SECRETS isn’t your game.
Prompts To Come Up With A Good Secret:
A prank you are well-known for in your immediate family…
How you wooed an elementary school crush…
A time you got into trouble at work or school…
A quirky thing you do that has annoyed previous roommates or lovers…
A memory from when you were young and naive about the world…
The most awkward thing that happened to you on a date or a hook up…
An embarrassing fart or vomit or blood or poop story…
Something crazy dangerous that happened to you while traveling…
Lies you’ve told your parents, teachers, bosses, former lovers…
A story about that time you took too much of an edible…
The SECRETS game is a compelling exercise in group risk taking.
The possibility of your secret being revealed should feel like an acceptable social risk.
But the definition of “acceptable social risk” is different for everyone.
What feels like a low stakes secret to you, might feel risky to someone else.
EXAMPLES OF PAST SECRETS
This secret was not revealed.
This secret was revealed.
This secret was not revealed.
TIPS & STRATEGY
Your secret must NOT easily reveal your specific identity, meaning, it should be general enough so that it could possibly be true for everyone in the room.
For example, if you’re the only mother in the room and you wrote a secret revealing the true biological father of your child… it would be obvious who wrote that secret.
Consider ways to ‘throw your secret’ like a ventriloquist throws their voice, meaning, write a secret that could possibly apply to many others in the room.
WRITE YOUR SECRET
You have 5 MINUTES to write a SECRET on your blank piece of paper
It’s a tweet, not a manifesto. Be succinct.
You must write in ALL CAPS so friends or loved ones can’t recognize your handwriting.
FOLD YOUR SECRET
Note for the Host: Demonstrate to the group how they should FOLD their paper.
Rewrite any secrets if folded differently than the group. Uniformity protects anonymity.
PLACE your folded up Secret in the bowl.
PLAYING THE GAME OF SECRETS
The first person to pull a SECRET becomes the INVESTIGATOR and takes charge of the investigation.
Their goal is to successfully deduce the writer of the SECRET.
Everyone else is now a potential “SUSPECT” i.e., the writer of the SECRET.
The INVESTIGATOR pulls a SECRET out of the bowl.
If you draw your own secret, draw again.
The INVESTIGATOR reads the secret out loud.
EVERYONE must react to the SECRET in unison with “OHHH MYYYY GODDDD”
The INVESTIGATOR must pay very close attention to the reactions on everyone’s faces.
This will be new information for everyone in the room but one person.
Investigator, who is pretending to be shocked?
Once the secret has been read, the INVESTIGATOR has TEN minutes to conduct their investigation.
The INVESTIGATOR can ask the SUSPECTS only THREE questions.
But there are rules.
RULES FOR SUSPECTS
RULE #1: SUSPECTS must answer the INVESTIGATORS questions truthfully.
This should be obvious, yeah?
RULE #2: SUSPECTS must not advantage the INVESTIGATOR by helping them come up with questions.
The more that other people’s SECRETS are uncovered during the game, the greater the risk that yours might be revealed by a simple process of elimination.
RULES FOR INVESTIGATORS
The Investigators goal is to be like the famous TV detective Columbo, who pretended to act dumb and somehow still solved the case.
Like Colombo’s style, your question must not appear as if you are searching for information about the SECRET.
You can ask SUSPECTS any question, and they MUST answer truthfully.
SUSPECTS must alert the INVESTIGATOR if they break any of the following rules:
Rule #1: The investigator can NOT ask a question where the identity of the writer of the secret is easily revealed if the suspect were to respond to the investigator’s question truthfully.
For example, “Have you ever cheated on anyone before?” or “Have you ever had an emotional affair?” would be inadmissible questions for the below secret. And it would be LAZY.
Rule #2: The inspector is NOT allowed to use any of the key words written on the paper in their QUESTION.
For example, a question including the word “Scientology” or “video” would be inadmissible for the below secret.
Rule #3: No Yes/No questions or “fill in the blank” survey questions.
The inspectors' questions MUST be phrased as an open-ended, storytelling question like:
“Tell me about a time when you…”
or “How do you feel about…?”
Other acceptable ways to start a question:
Describe a moment when you…
Walk me through at time when you…
Explain how you might deal with a situation where you…
What’s the first thing that comes into your head if we were to start talking about…
Your questions may or may not get you closer to revealing the identity of the person who wrote this secret, but you will learn a lot of specific information about your friends in the process.
And that’s the secret about SECRETS.
Revealing who wrote the secret is not the primary goal.
The answers to the investigator's questions can be just as compelling and revealing as the secrets in the bowl.
SECRETS is an opportunity to ask people direct questions they must answer truthfully.
THE INVESTIGATOR’S THREE QUESTIONS:
The FIRST question is asked to EVERYONE in the group.
Once everyone has responded to the first question, the INVESTIGATOR chooses roughly HALF of the group to stick around for further questioning.
The SECOND question is asked to this group.
One everyone has responded to the second question, the INVESTIGATOR then chooses TWO people to answer the THIRD, and final, question.
At this point, the INVESTIGATOR has to make a decision.
Whose secret is it?
They must make their guess known by standing up and pointing dramatically at the SUSPECT and yelling loudly ‘J’ACCUSE!’ in the most melodramatic way they can muster. Everyone else must also point at the SUSPECT, screaming “J’ACCUSE!”
Regardless of whether it is in fact your SECRET, when you are J’accused you are mandated BY LAW to stay silent for 10 seconds, thus ramping up the drama and the anticipation.
You should pause in a manner like Gloria Swanson in “Sunset Boulevard” and with the same campy vibe.
Let the accusation impact every cell of your body and absorb it.
Keep us in suspense for at least TEN seconds.
IF IT IS NOT YOUR SECRET:
You will start a chant that everyone else joins in.
BURN IT! BURN IT! BURN IT!
Then, the SECRET is ripped up/burned in the fire, and NO ONE SHALL KNOW WHOSE SECRET IT IS.
IMPORTANT NOTE: If your SECRET was read and another person was accused, you must NOT reveal it was your secret until the end of the game to avoid anyone guessing by process of elimination.
ONLY if all members of the party agree to it, you may reveal yourself at the very end of the full game.
IF IT IS YOUR SECRET:
You must CONFESS by saying C’est Moi!
The secret writer may give more context to their secret - and we hope you do! Part of the fun of the game is telling the full back story of a revealed secret.
PASS THE BOWL TO THE NEXT INVESTIGATOR!
REPEAT UNTIL ALL SECRETS HAVE BEEN INVESTIGATED.
Scenes of game development throughout the years.
Berkeley, January 2018
Add-ons to this iteration:
Percussive score to add tension during accusations.
Turn out the lights and shine a light onto those being ‘interrogated.’
“Burn it outside” chant
San Francisco, August 2019
*Audio contains raunchy secrets*
Berlin, November 2021
*Audio contains a raunchy secret*
Here’s an example of a perfect first question for an INVESTIGATOR to ask for this specific SECRET.
Chicago, December 2022
San Francisco, November 2024
TESTIMONIAL: Alexas
“It’s a great way to build a fun party environment”
TESTIMONIAL: Eric
“You get to see what shame people carry around, but in a way that's actually buoyant and uplifting. “
NOW IT’S YOUR TURN…
Bring SECRETS to your next friend or family gathering and let me know how it goes!
BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF…
…WHERE WE’LL GIVE THE GIFT OF AN AUDIO BIRTHDAY CARD…
